Douche on the Loose

Gather my children and you shall be told
Of someone who lived with his mother
And he was thirty four years old!
“Thirty four years old!?” you exclaim
With a snort and a scowl. Yes my dear child
It’s true and it’s foul.

But that man’s no child! There’s no way that’s true!
But alas little buddy, between me and you,
He lived with his mommy, there was nothing we could do.

Well, he could have lived near and he could have lived far
But he convinced the whore Sleeza to buy him a car.
And when the whore cheated, as we all knew she would
What did Douche do? Well, he did what he could!

He sweet talked his mommy and moved his ass in.
He lived in the basement with a shit eating grin.
He didn’t pay rent, not the douche, there’s no way.
He got off scott free, not a cent did he pay.

He spent all his money on booze, pot and pool
And made his poor mommy into a blind fool.
Despite her all her rules, the second she left
He brought the whore “home” and put his dick in her cleft

To top it all off, you know what he did?
He moved his sweet car into Mom’s own car shed
And where did Mom’s car go? Youre scratchin’ your head?
Well out in the street. What’d you think? He'd rather be dead!!

So the years passed and he saved up his dough
He bought a house near his brother, away did he go.
And theories were passed about who really bought it
Was it him or his mommy? It shouldn’t matter or ought it?

It really does matter who paid for that house
As the whore he will move in and not a good spouse
To put a tail on this story: like the train’s own caboose
Everyone should beware of the Douche on the Loose.