I gots me a new toy - Avatar Scorpion Chopper

So I picked one of these beauties last weekend from Toys R Us for the mere sum of $27. What's good? Everything. What's not? I can't climb into it and fly around raining down death on my enemies. I was really surprised by this toy. First of all you need a plasma cutter to get into the damn box. Seriously Mattel, the boxes for this toy line suck! There are no easy to open, taped panels like every other toy in creation. Once you carve your way into the box you find that, apparently, Mattel hired an engineer from the future to cram the disassembled toy into the honey comb of packing compartments. Once you free the 400 million pieces, it takes but a few minutes to assemble the whole she-bang. The packing really is a blessing and a curse. Cons: Pain in the ass to open Pros: more toy in box than you'd expect. Once assembled, you get a vehicle that is second only to the worshiped Drop Ship from Cameron's opus "Aliens". I FUCKING love the Drop Ship. Seriously, I would marry it. The Scorpion Chopper is a close second. My only real complaint is the thinness of the plastic on the tail fins...They were a little warped on mine....That was fixed quickly with a little careful pressure. I quickly found my self "testing" the toy by flying it around the ManCave and attacking all my star wars ships and batmobiles. If you've been to my cave (That sounds dirty, snicker) you'd know how much fun I have doing such nonsense. I certainly hope the movie is awsome so it doesnt tarnish the wicked cool design of this toy. Screw you Mongorians! You stay away from my shitty toy!

Anvil: Hey is that a painting of shit?

So I finally got to see the documentery "Anvil: The Story of Anvil: Featuring Anvil: With Songs by Anvil: Not to be confused with Anvil: The Metal Working Tool". Although really, Rob and Lips of Anvil (Featuring Anvil) are Metal Working Tools. Hey, they love metal, they have jobs, and they are tools. See? That really was clever. Suck it. Anyway, I'm not sure why I was so all-fired up to see this movie. I guess it's because it seemed like the "Rudy" (Sniffle) of the Heavy Metal world. And since Heavy Metal is the "Rudy" (I'm not crying SHUT UP!) of the music world I was all ready to see them get their one Goddamn play in the forsaken game (Damn you Rudy Rudiger!) Every metal dawg should get his day. Even if that dog appears to be at least mildly retarded (Lips) or borderline autistic (Rob). I'm not sure that I would ever have been a fan of this band. But now, thanks to this fucking movie, I can't get the phrase "Me-tal on meh-tuhl" out of my head. That makes me want to kill a kitten. Because, really, it's not a great song. And since they really only play that song like 5000 times in the movie, its the only Anvil: The Story of Anvil song I know.....Except the first 30 Seconds of "Thumb Hang". I did see their album (made in the movie) "This is Thirteen" the other day at Worst Buy. I didn't buy it. I was buying Rammstein's new and FUCKINGAWESOME disc "Liebe is fur alle da" (Or something like that. I don't speak Klingon so I can't remember it off the top of my head and I don't have the pervy CD cover in front of me. K'Plaugh!) They had like 10 copies of it and NONE of the other 12. I suspect this is for a good reason. I guess I sound pretty negative. But here's the facts: I loved the movie (It's like the best "Behind the Music" ever! (Screw you Pantera!)), I felt like Rob and Lips and G5 and Other Guy deserved a break. They seemed like nice dudes and they sure as hell have put their hearts and souls into making this band work and making the music they love. So More power too them. Eventually, I'll buy an album just do my share and help their kids get new winter boots since they live in Canada and everyone knows that it snows 24x7x365 in the Great White North! (Take off eh!) Also, once again, we learn that everyone in Japan is bugnutz crazy and they love the really bad heavy metal music in the worst way. Amen. See the movie or you won't get it when me and my brother in law make "Thumb Hang" jokes.

Holy Cow

This crazy woman REALLY FUCKING HATES telemarketers. A LOT! Enjoy.

Holy Cans Batman!

The cleaning crew in my office left us this trash can and this note. I'm really enjoying trying to figure out what they meant. I guess they, unlike that guy in "The Jerk", do not hate cans.

Hey, don't you have an airbrush?

Ok...This tailgate "Mural" is a good example of why you don't let your high school dropout brother-in-law airbrush anything on anything you own. If, like this genius, you do, you will end up with something that looks like something a stoner/burnout would scribble on his textbook in 1987. All it needs is "KROKUS" stenciled over it to REALLY pop. Since you really can't see all the gorgeous detail I'll try to fill you in. All the skullz have mouthz jammed with pointy teethz. They also appear to all be connected to each other with electrical wirez. At the bottom, there appear to be spoonz of some sort. I'm guessing that this may be a drug reference. Or maybe the "Arteest" choose spoonz over the more common metal theme of battle axes and swordz because, Cousin, they hurt more. We'll never know for sure (I hope). Enjoy

Paranormal Activity: So scary you'll get ass cancer.....not

I saw "Paranormal Activity" last weekend. How was it? It was ok and looked like it cost a LOT more than the $11000 that is cost to make it. The ads and the internet hype makes this movie sound like it's sooooo scccaarrryyyyy and you will vomit out your bones in fear. Seriously, the hype reminded me of those movies in the 60's where they said they had a nurse in theater in case you had a heart attack from fear. So was it scary? To me, not so much. But that is in large part due to the fact that I've been fond of horror movies my whole life. I was scared by "The Exorcist" and "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" because I saw them when I was like 8 or 9. Which is wayyyyyy to early to watch those movies. Thanks cable TV! (BOK, BOK!) I also generally watch ALL the paranormal shows like "Ghost Hunters" and the sensationalist "Paranormal State". Man "Paranormal State" would have us believe that every house, library, shoe store and outhouse has a demon in it waiting to make us eat flaming hot cheetos and other evil shit. Soooo.....If you dont watch those shows this movie will most likely scare you a little. What is good about it is that it really does a good job of cycling up the creep factor. I don't want to spoil it for you so I won't go into details. But I will say that the boyfriend is a tool. So you may want to rent this one and stay up late on a windy night and watch it. I won't be buying it on video. It's pretty much a one trick pony.

5FDP

Recently, I discovered that what I really want to be when I grow up is a member of the band "Five Finger Death Punch". Why? Because I too am a wounded bunny who is tired of bowing to the MAN and what not...sniffle. Anyway, I got their sophmore release "War is the Answer" the day it came out. No thanks to Target and Walmart. Both of which were too weak in the crotch to sell this most excellent album. Now normally, I'm not into the gutteral sound of much of what is considered "Metal" these days. Most of the time I do just fine with the likes of Iron Maiden and Queenryche thank you very much for asking. But really, who can deny the joy that is songs like "White Knuckles" and "Canto"? Only poosays. That's who. They of the crotch taco. Poonanners...you get the idea. Listening to this music is like standing on top of a mountain, holding your battle axe in one hand and screaming threats at the gods. In your other hand you swing your 42 inch dong round and round in circles whilst the lightning crashes around you. And you fear not...for you are become death, the destroyer of worlds. All your enemies are driven before and you drink in the lamentations of their women. This is a good thing. Buy the albums of Five Finger Death Punch and rejoice. Now I've read quite a few reviews of the band's albums and people who consider themselves "Hardcore" call this band "Laughable". I drop an FBOMB! on you. I can't take the opions of a 12 year old "extreme metal" fan to heart. A pox on their undropped testicles.

First Post

Welcome. Woot! Hey, I have an idea: Let's all get "To the EXTREME!" on Slurm and talk about stuff that I like. Excellent stuff such as: Heavy Metal Music, Science Fiction and Fantasy books and movies and action figures. Don't want to do that? Well, FBOMB! on you! TO THE EXTREME! Now lets all run around in circles until we pass out.